Dear Diary,
I recently managed to finish a commission and a personal piece. Drawing has been challenging because I haven't been able to focus and express my ideas clearly. I've been going to therapy and going to the gym to improve my overall well-being.
I haven't been as active online. I haven't been drawing as much as I want to, with a lot of my ideas staying conceptual until I decide to put them on paper.
I've been trying to improve my health and myself as a whole, despite feeling that external expectations can be hard to meet.
Dear Diary,
There hasn't been a lot going on other than work these past few days. I got called in two days ago on my day off and there was nothing to do the whole day. Yesterday, I went to the library to try to work on stuff. I didn't get a lot done. I think right now I have two more toyhouse commissions, then I have to make a frame for the mezmerizer collab, and then I have to animate something for the nintendo DS collab.
I think there's a good reason why I stopped joining so many collabs. They're fun but they stop being fun once you have art block or something. I've also been trying to work on my game. The idea came to me semi-naturally but because it was a bit forced, I think my brain is telling me that the idea is stupid and I shouldn't waste effort into something I don't like
Maybe I should join another game jam. But for that, I have to learn how to program better. I can understand gdscript now, which is good. I wrote a whole bunch of notes on it. I feel like I just have trouble organizing everything. The program is pretty easy once you learn the layout. I already knew all the basic functions. All programming languages share a little something in common.
I wanna make more games. And make my site more fun. I thought about adding coloring pages and desktop backgrounds but I doubt anyone would care for those. I also thought about adding a chatbox in my website somewhere, but I simply don't know where to put it. There's no space left on the homepage. I would have to make a whole section for it. Oh well lol
Dear Diary,
This morning, I have to work a double shift. I ordered doordash so that I could have breakfast and coffee without driving there myself and leaving the desk. The doordash person tried stealing my order, which I guess happens to everyone every once in a while.
I've been trying to work on a new game, one that I take pleasure in making. I discovered some things that were said about my previous games, and for a little while I tried to appeal to them so that it would be more fun to play.
Suprise, suprise, you can't please everyone. So I decided I'll make those ideas when I feel comfortable with expanding my ability. Right now, I'm not too comfortable with trying to program new mechanics yet. I will soon, But not at the moment
I've been trying my hand at character design, and I feel like I'm becoming happier with how I make things. I started working out too, and going to the gym. Soon, we will be getting more protien powder to make protien shakes. Giving up sugar was hard, but I think I'm managing to ween myself off of it slowly, but surely. I'm gonna work on cardio and my upper body strength.
Dear Diary,
A few nights ago, I learned how to cook orange chicken. I always thought if I tried my hand at it, then it would taste really bad. But I think I'm getting the hang of it. I've been wanting to make firecracker chicken, but the only recipes I can find involve baking the chicken. Maybe I'll look a little harder for recipes in my skill range.
I think I'm kinda getting over my art block. I still have a few commissions on toyhouse that I have to do. Staying creative is hard sometimes. I want to make things that make me happy, but I also want to step out of my comfort zone. I wish it was easy to do both. I have so many ideas for games and art pieces but I think I make more in my head than on paper.
I think my list right now is "Detective game", "beat em up game", "vampire game", and maybe some sort of diner dash game? As for art pieces, I wish I could be comfortable with one art style lol. I wanna draw in a hallmark-y type style but it's hard to combine that with my mood to draw robots and stuff.
My website is almost done. I think all I have left is the Site Help page and the commissions page. After that, I'll be ready to mirror it on neocities and have this site as my primary host.
Dear Diary,
I really want to try animating a cartoon. I had an idea for a Beatles cartoon a while back, but I would need to find male voice actors. I believe that's my biggest problem with cartoons and similar projects. If it were easy to voice act myself, I would probably get more done! Sometimes I wonder if having a lower voice would make it easier. I was working on one with FNF characters, but it was about the Newgrounds New Jersey meetup. After attending the meetup, I kind of lost motivation to continue working on it.
The meetup was a really nice time. I met a lot of great people. I think Newgrounds is a pretty cool website. Sometimes, I wish I had the proper motivation to make more content. Creating games, art, animations, and music for them is really hard. It would be easy to give up on posting. But every time I think about doing that, I remember that I don't do this for anyone else but me. I wish more artists would adopt that mindset. Perhaps then, they wouldn't get so easily discouraged by the lack of attention online.
Dear Diary,
Today I learned how to code a journal into a website. it turns out that every entry has to be hard-coded into the website or else other people will be able to add entries. I thought it would be a fun idea to add a "chat" or "comment section" on the homepage of my website, but I figured it would be a better idea to not do that. This is my slice of the internet, after all.
I talked to Cootie today. She's been helping me a lot on my website. I'm sooo jealous about her ability to code so well! Maybe one day, I'll be as talented as my big sis!